You or Me, who comes first?

One day you wake up feeling tired and stupid of having many of those times whereby you prioritize someone else’s feelings over yours. You have prioritized their feelings regarding a matter above yours for months or even years maybe. Due to that, the act of going with the flow by ignoring how you feel about a situation is like an unconditioned stimulus. You then decide to rebel against it, deciding to do something that makes you happy instead. Albeit of course none of us, humans, are selfless in nature. Whether we do like to admit it or not, there must have been or will be a point in life whereby we would have a tendency to place ourselves first before others. Yes, “others” does include strangers. Upon acting differently, people start thinking that you have changed or the relationship has, with them not being of much importance to you anymore. But really, it is just that you have stopped saying yes to everything that a person asks you; stopped using yes as your “default” mode’s reply.

When a relationship means a lot, we all do fear doing something different that might put the relationship at stake. Some of us spend half of our lives trying to please others and letting our inner thoughts eat us away inside. However, one can never please everyone at a time. For how long would you be able to go on hiding your true feelings and pretending that everything is fine? There is just so much that a person can take. Also, it is better to clear things up sooner than later since with time, bonds tend to strengthen, posing as our weakness as well. With the relationship being our weakness, the fear of doing something wrong increases. 

How do you get things back on track after seeming like the “wrecking ball”? Talk it out. Learn to speak up for yourself. If you do not, who will? Communication is the key in every relationship. Say exactly how you feel about the situation. You might feel that you are being mean and might feel like a horrible person yourself. Stop self-depreciating. Do not act as if you are at fault for the situation worsening. Do not make it sound as if only you have faults while the other person is flawless. On the other hand, you might be seething with madness wondering why the other person does not understand you. On impulse, you might want to put an end to the escalated situation by ending the relationship. If you do not speak up, how do you expect someone else to understand how you feel? No matter how well the other usually gets you, no, they are not mind readers. Decisions taken on impulse are usually followed with regrets. Hence, push that thought out of your mind as minutes later, you might be crying over losing a diamond. After talking it out, the situation might take a turn for the better or worse. Either way, try to put your point across as if he/she understands you, it’s a win-win(-win) situation. You have opened the doors to letting yourself feel happier, you have perhaps strengthened your relationship since the both of you can now be more honest towards one another and congratulations, you have also succeeded in the course of confronting others.